| [LJ Entry] Out of contact |
[13 Dec 2004|07:17pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Killswitch Engage - The End of Heartache |
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I can't help but think that I've missed a memo in the last few weeks of studying, what's happened?
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| [OOC] |
[24 Sep 2004|10:38pm] |
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Email o' doom and proxyness sent... now we wait :)
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| Amusement |
[11 Sep 2004|11:34am] |
I guess all that stuff about House Fiona being fearless is like, propaganda or something...
(With apologies to those Fiona who _aren't_ gutless wonders)
The moral of the story is simple... if you're gonna talk big, act it too, otherwise you look like a whiney child.
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[30 Mar 2004|09:23pm] |
I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Bard Fighter
Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.
Race:
Humans are the 'average' race. They have the shortest life spans, and because of this, they tend to avoid the racial prejudices that other races are known for. They are also very curious and tend to live 'for the moment'.
Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.
Secondary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.
Deity:
Finder Wyvernspur is the Chaotic Neutral god of the cycle of life and the transformation of art, although he leans heavily towards Good. He is also known as the Nameless Bard. Followers of Finder believe that everything must change in order to grow and thrive. Their preferred weapon is the bastard sword.
Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan (e-mail)
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| [Scene] Recollections |
[16 Feb 2004|06:53am] |
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music |
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Garbage - Number One Crush |
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[As usual, very very ooc post. But here's something I wrote as a way of summing up a lot of the stuff which happened to Lucas last year and as a good-bye to a friend's PC. The end is a little rushed, but I'm going to go back and brush up on it later.]
A thin, early morning mist hangs as a light carpet over the ground as a lone figure trudges through row upon row of headstones. Dressed in faded blue jeans, grey cotton hooded sweatshirt and a leather jacket, his hood pulled tight around his face as a guard both against the winter chill and his own fear.
As he walks, a hand trails along the tops of the stones; the other loosely holds onto a single white rose, eerily pale in the light of the half-moon. A slight shake in his step and a hand raised to wipe something from his eyes heralds his reaching the grave long before he sits cross-legged in front of it.
Moments pass, turning into minutes before he brings himself to speak. The slight quiver in his usual fluid and confident voice betrays the depth of emotion in his words. “Hey… it’s been a while since I came to see you, hasn’t it?” He chews on his lip, nerves coming back to him as he softly places the flower on top of the grave. “It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, I have. It’s just, so much has happened, so much I had no way of knowing how to say…”
Pulling down the hood of his sweatshirt reveals eyes gleaming with unshed tears as he continues to speak. “After the accident, after… after you died. I changed. I didn’t like the way I became, it scared me. Everything I did, it was pain. I tried everything I could to forget, remembering hurt too much. I dropped out of school, I used arts to make myself look older and I went out drinking, dancing, once or twice I even took drugs. None of it helped. The only thing which even dulled the pain for a short while was glamour… lots of it. I ravaged people, I stole dross, I almost got addicted to it… especially the darker glamour, the pain and sorrow in it made me realise I wasn’t the only one feeling it.”
Pausing, he slowly inhales and then exhales, breath misting in front of his face before the first tear finally falls. As his words continue the teardrop falls from his face and onto the frozen ground. “I wanted you back. I wanted you not to be dead. If I could have given anything in the world to get that I would have. I would have lied, cheated, ravaged, killed, would have died… anything. But deep down I knew you were gone for good. But then, people reminded me… we reincarnate, and in that I had some hope. But then, then came the one thing I regret most in my whole life. Cordelia.”
“It happened while I was staying in Cincinnati, of all places… I was staying with a Countess there, Tara. She was one of the few people who ever really noticed how much I was hurting at the time, and for all people laud Tara up as being an evil, manipulative bitch… she took me in and helped me back then. Back then I didn’t know half of the stuff I know now, about what we are… and someone told me about fae reincarnation. That was maybe my one lifeline and hope at the time that you would come back to me that way. So, when Cordelia came along I started to clutch at straws… her birthday – April 11th 1989… she looked like you… she acted like you… everything about her reminded me of you. And I convinced myself I’d fallen in love with her… her feelings were a bit more real than mine I guess. I was such an idiot back then. I try to deny it but in a lot of ways I used her to try and get you back, and it destroyed her in the end when I realised that I didn’t really love her the way I thought I did, the way she thought I did. She’s still alive now, but changed… dauntain, or something like it… and it’s my fault.”
The passage of seconds changes into minutes as he sits in total silence, contemplating what he finally admitted to himself. When he speaks again the earlier shake is back in his voice, as if fighting back even more tears with every passing moment. “But things got better in the end, although I made a few more mistakes along the way. It was just when I was convinced that I’d never find anyone again, never be in love again after you, that it all changed. I’d been… I guess seeing is the right word, I never was sure what was between us… been seeing this girl called Una – she was nice and all, but I look back now and I know I was never really in love with her, although I kept trying to make myself think I was. But then, out of nowhere something happened, and to this day I can never really place _when_ I fell in love with her.”
A small smile of contentment passes across Lucas’ earlier troubled face, a little glimmer of hope in the darkness of his mood. “I’m not even sure why I’m telling you about all of this, except I think you deserve to know. She, Calli that is, was with an older guy… a lot like you and Luther, some of the things he said to her were almost carbon copies. I think that’s why she and I spoke so much at first, I was concerned for her. And it grew from that… that and a five year old Pooka telling us we should just ‘kissy face and get it over with’. From then we’ve been pretty much inseparable.”
“You know, I was watching a movie last week – and there was a line in it which I thought was stupidly cheesey at the time, but when I look back on it I realise just how true it is. They said that when you meet someone you love, time stands still. And when I met you, it did. Even though I’m telling you all of this, it doesn’t change how I felt about you. But when I met her… it was like time went backwards – like this was something that I should have remembered from lifetimes and centuries ago. And over the past few months I have been remembering so much more of times before this one – and she’s there so often, I always made big talk about being one of fate’s favourite kids… maybe it’s true.”
“Back to when I met her though – the circumstances you just wouldn’t believe. Around about the time she and I got together she was adopted, by a Sidhe, and of all people… Luther’s sister. I’ve gotten a lot more respect for Leigh over the past few months, and it broke my heart to tell her what her brother had done to you… and I think hers too. But she’s been good to me, she’s looked after Calli and I, gotten us into a great school, we’ve got a great life now… that’s the part I thought you would get a kick out of… me, living with a St. Michael.”
As the sun starts to peer out over the horizon, until it finally makes it’s way across the sky as morning truly begins he spends the coming hours talking… the exploits of his previous year. Oath-circles are formed… jousting tournaments in Florida won. Arguments are had with Arilynn over Luther, arguments with Shayndel over Arilynn, arguments with almost anyone over everything. The story of finding the magic carpet and Arcene in the trod under Tampa. Battles are fought in Caledonia, in Apples, in Hibernia. He talks about how Susannah has changed lately, the tiredness and banality growing in her – and yet her becoming a Baroness. A long time is spent talking about his new family in the Eshu, and the memories of his former lives and existances, dozens of old tales of the Za’Hadeene and thoughts about how and where he might be connected to them but he isn’t sure yet. Yet almost every story he tells ties back to one thing, one person.
A final tear falls from his left eye, splashing onto the rose on the ground below as he begins to stand up. With a half sigh he reaches into his pocket and takes out a silver chain and medallion, draping it across the flower and touching across the petals with fingertips. “I wanted this to be buried with you, or at least after a week or so I realised I did. But it was too late. This is for you… so that you remember no matter what’s happened now, no matter how I’ve changed. That every time I said those words, I meant them.” He reaches over and runs his fingers over the inscriptions on the medallion, on one side of the coin an elaborate poem, an oath. And on the other a single word ‘Daonnan’. “When you come back, and you will. I hope you find someone who loves you as much as you deserve, and who deserves you a lot more than I did … and you will, remember what I always said about being able to see the future.”
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| Lucas' review of the year. |
[28 Dec 2003|02:53pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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3 Doors Down - Here Without You |
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1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
Fitted in at school, weird.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more
I don't really remember making any last year. And yes, I will.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No-one really, really close; but some who were fairly close, and Keelin should be having her kids soon!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Moving swiftly on ... but yes.
5. What countries did you visit?
US, France, Italy, couple of others.
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
Peace, surprising for me, but I'd like everyone to get along better.
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 4th. She knows. :)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
See above.
9. What was your biggest failure?
See question 4 - not doing as much as I could have to stop some of those (there were a lot)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Lots of little injuries playing sports, no major major illness.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Calli's ring.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Too many people ot mention.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Ditto, but unfortunately more so than question 12.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Gifts for my friends, I like to spoil them.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Excited and nervous at the same time - our school dance in September. Not necessarily the dance, but a certain conversation.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
Evanescence - Bring me to Life. It's got a lot of meaning to it that I only recntly noticed.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same, actually I've put on more muscle, but not fatter.
iii. richer or poorer? Meh, I don't really keep track of money, which is probably a failing.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spending more time with my girl, but that's what next year is for. That and performing more, the 24th made me remember how much I love that.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Listening to idiots whine on about their self-infilcted relationship troubles in the glade. Sometimes I think they WANT to be in angst.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it with family, which was good.
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Not necessarily fell, rediscovered.
23. How many one-night stands?
None. Ick.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Some of the latest Southpark episodes have been kinda cool.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. There's someone who about 10 months ago I thought I would hate - but I've realised hate doesn't really achieve anything worthwhile. I hate what some people have done, but I feel sorry for them more than anything else.
26. What was the best book you read?
I read a lot of books - no real best book. I re-read Lord of the Rings, and that rocked.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Remembering that I can actually play the piano just before my AP Music final *phew*
28. What did you want and get?
*grins* She's about 5'11, blonde, amazing ...
29. What did you want and not get?
I'd like for someone to be at peace - I don't feel as responsible as I used to - but I'd still like for it.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Return of the King, so much.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent it with Calli and Leighana and a couple of others in Colorado. And I was 14.
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
There's not a lot more. Having met a few people a little earlier than I did.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Changeable.
34. What kept you sane?
Calli, Devi, Kiki, Ihsan, Dis, the list is kinda long.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
No-one.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I avoid politics as much as possible.
37. Who did you miss?
One person I missed a lot was my older sister - and right now I'm more than a little confused about that.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Calli.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.
See question 25. I learned a lot about my own temper and holding grudges and I realised it's very often not worth it.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
Lemme get back to you on that one.
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| Christmas plan ... |
[20 Dec 2003|12:17am] |
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mood |
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christmasy |
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music |
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Nine Days - Story of a Girl |
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[Those of you who have this journal friended with ooc journals - I'm looking at you guys Chris, Ammie and Jenn - will be icly getting a letter or an email along these lines too - feel free to reply on the LJ post though]
Okay guys - I've been thinking a little the past couple of days, and this all came ot me as something of an epiphany tonight when we were walking to the movies, so I'll share it ...
Sometmes we all have our differences, and our arguments. But it's christmas, you know, good will to all man and the like. So let's do something really special this year.
As fae we all have certain advantages and abilities, let's all do something GREAT for those people who aren't as fortunate as us. So here's what I'm thinking - Christmas Eve or so, let's inject some MAJOR christmas spirit into people. Let's a group of us get together, find a place to go - I'm suggesting Glasgow as I like my old stomping ground [and oocly I've already plied the ST with the idea] and make some people happy. How many of us can perform but only ever do it for our friends? How many of us can draw but we only draw in notebooks or art classes? That kinda thing ... let's go there, let's inspire some people, enrich some christmas spirit and maybe even raise a bit of money for some deserving charity or something.
And hell, like I said - we've all got our own abilities, how many families out shopping on Christmas Eve and struggling to make ends meet couldn't do with a bit of a nudge towards good luck? How many people couldn't do with having a bit of hope and joy and love injected into an otherwise commercialised festival.
Maybe it's a bad idea, maybe no-one else is gonna be interested. But I'm gonna do it. We're dreams, guys - let's make some for some people who aren't ...
Who's in? I'll even provide the flickerflashing and the like ...
Now, after a week of barely sleeping to study for finals - and then sitting through Return of the King (which rocks, by the way, even if Aragorn rips me off ;-)) I'm going to go find something cute, curl up next to it and pass out for a day or so.
L
(in full on xmas-eshu mode)
[ooc: This idea brought to you by a sleep deprived Kev with a weird idea on the way home from work. But if we all get together, throw some perofrmance abilities, maybe a scene improved fair is foul cantrip or two each, some musing, a lot of glamour - and we could make something really memorable.]
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| Tired. |
[16 Dec 2003|06:33pm] |
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music |
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Metallica - The House Jack Built |
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What was it Bilbo said in the Fellowship of the Ring? Feeling like butter scraped thin over far too much bread lately.
I've barely slept a wink since Friday, spending all my time hopped up on coffee and sugar and cramming like a maniac. I think I did okay in the final yesterday - we'll see. It's just hard, I know I know all this stuff. But ...
You know, for me, I'm actually _scared_ of doing bad in the finals. All year building up to this, I've been doing so well and I have to do well in these - I want to do something to make my parents proud of me, and Ihsan, and Su, and Dismas, and Calli most of all.
And worst of all, the subject I feel least prepared for of all. Music! I have my original piano piece to play tomorrow and I just can't get it right.
You know, for the longest time I've always wondered why I have to be such a perfectionist, why I have to always try and out do people. And i think I realise why. I really need, trying to think of the right word, justification ... especially with my parents. I want to make them proud of me, like I've done something which repays them (and everyone else) for all the things they've done for me.
Meh, back to Calculus.
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| Thoughtful |
[15 Dec 2003|12:07am] |
Talking with Jimmy in the glade has made me realise something.
You know I've seen more people become grumps in the last 5 months or so than I have in all the time I was crysalised before that put together. Same with childlings who're you know 8 or 9 becoming wilders.
Has something happened recently that caused this. Jimmy said something about things becoming less calm, but the general weirdness of the dreaming hasn't really increased that much compared to a year or two ago, hell in places the dreaming is more calm. Some kind of paradigm shift over the world perhaps, the underlying rules behind the dreaming changing?
I think I know what I want to ask Makri when I see her. This is interesting.
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| Sketches |
[14 Dec 2003|12:18pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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Bowling for Soup -- Girl All the Bad Guys Want |
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So I'm trying to study for my Calculus final but it's going slowly - I thought to myself "I've got a scanner on this thing so I'll use it." I looked through some of my old sketches and though to upload one or two.
Doesn't someone look really cute when they're studying.
( Picture under here. )
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| Weekend update ... |
[14 Dec 2003|10:07am] |
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music |
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Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You |
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Number of Zombies seen: 27
Number of Zombies gotten in a fight with: 1
Number of weird Zombie King things threatened by:1
Number of leads on cool gift for Calli: 1
Actually the balance isn't so bad, but ugh - zombies.
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| [Live Scene] Memories ... |
[04 Dec 2003|11:03pm] |
[ooc Note: Containing uber spoilers on part of my character's background. This is part of a series I'm gonna write up which details Lucas gaining more remembrance of his past lives. Mucho apologies to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) thetoken for my horrible butchering of the story he told Lucas icly - but this all seemed to fit.]
( Story behind cut - long ... )
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| As a note. |
[02 Dec 2003|06:52am] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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Metallica - The House Jack Built |
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As if I wasn't surprised enough at _what_ was said, the method was even worse.
Insults tend to work better if you have the decency to stick around after making them.
[ooc: sorrysorry Lana, but it had to be said ... ]
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